


The Light in the Dark

by 4badmice



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Azkaban, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-30
Updated: 2014-12-30
Packaged: 2018-03-04 08:39:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3061265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/4badmice/pseuds/4badmice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One-shot: my take on how Sirius Black was able to survive twelve years in Azkaban without going mad... Short, sad, a little angsty, no slash.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Light in the Dark

 

**The Light in the Dark  
**

 

After the first few days of feverish rage came silence. Time finally seemed to slow down and Sirius was able to take a deep breath once the sensations of having been heavily stunned had worn off; he had found himself lying on a small, foul-smelling cot when he consciously took in his surroundings for the first time.

Memories of yelling, of protesting, of being prodded harshly and trying to get away before being stunned invaded his tired mind, and he sagged- it was all wrong, he shouldn't be here- he should have been able to defend himself, to prove his innocence. He was no murderer.

Raw pain intermingled with his exhaustion, the pain of having lost his best friend, of not having been able to protect him after all. He looked around in the gloom, but soon closed his eyes, trying to shut the place out. It was forlorn and forsaken, filled with despair and the uncanny coldness of those guarding it.

Sirius took another deep breath; he couldn't let it get to him, couldn't allow the sadness he was already feeling to take over- it would depress and destroy him, would hinder him from any attempt to break free. Break free he must, he told himself, for the boy- Lily and James' little boy, his godson Harry. He, Sirius, had to make sure the boy was safe, something he hadn't been able to do for little Harry's parents.

He buried his face in his hands and tried to will the pain away, but it was impossible. They had been so happy, it was hardly bearable that their lives and ultimately their family had been destroyed. When he closed his eyes, he could still see their house in his mind, could see the dark-haired toddler in the arms of his father... each time Sirius had visited it had felt more like a home than Grimmauld Place ever had, yet now it was gone.

He clenched his hands into fists as he could feel the presence of his guards passing by, the ever present, infinite horror in their wake sending a shiver down his spine; he had to persevere, had to try and escape if he wanted to make up for his mistakes.

His feverish mind showed him the picture of his godson once more, and he remembered how he had held him in his arms for the first time; a small, scrunched up little face with a button nose. Sirius subconsciously smiled as he recalled how that pink shrivelly being had gradually developed into a small person; even at not yet a year old Harry had become a distinct character (as Lily assured Sirius all children did), and it was a marvel to watch him grow and beginning to discover the world.

A fresh pang of guilt had Sirius groan: how was he ever going to be able to compensate the loss of Harry's parents, of the boy's home? Moreover, there was still the matter of Pettigrew... he had to find him, had to make sure the little rat met his fate...

Tiredly, Sirius rubbed his hand over his eyes and looked around once more, taking in each depressing detail this time, no matter how hard it was; there was only one way. He would take on this cell, this whole rotten pile of rocks that was Azkaban, and he would not let it defeat him. He knew he could do it; he had done the same with Grimmauld Place, after all. If he went insane all would be lost; another pointless death added to the list and the chance to clarify things eternally forfeit.

He leaned back on his cot and almost gingerly placed a hand over his heart, contemplating its steady rhythm against his fingertips: as long as it was still beating strongly, he would have Harry and his parents in there. A light in the dark and the only beacon he would have; it had to be enough.

Feeling a little calmer, Sirius closed his eyes again and listened to the howling wind outside.

 

**The End**


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